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| Merlin Season | pre S2 E12 | Rating
(Refer to main page) | 15+ | Characters in the story
| Arthur, Merlin, Morgana, Uther, Gwen, Gaius | Pairings
(if needed) | Arthur and a mysterious whispering voice. Given it's listed under Slashin'~The~Hat you should know | Word Count
| 1183 | Disclaimer / Warning:
(if needed) | characters are reproduced from BBC characters reproduced from legendary characters
warning: author likes a laugh, especially at the expense of her favourite, so this is probably predictable |
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| Shag me Arthur
“Shag me Arthur”
The voice was hushed and androgynous but clearly audible and sent a tickle shivering against the neck of the Crown Prince as though it brushed against him. Arthur turned to look at his silently working manservant and felt more uncomfortable. Merlin, quiet? Perhaps he realised he’d spoken out loud and was pretending it didn’t happen.
“What was that Merlin?”
Merlin turned to him, perplexed.
“What was what?”
“What you just said.”
Merlin shrugged as he put the last of Arthur’s clothes away. “Didn’t say anything.”
Arthur’s lips pushed out plumply and his eyes turned slightly towards the tip of his nose as he thought. Then he shuffled in his chair, fair eyebrow raised and a dimple in his cheek. This must be a joke.
“Are you sure?” He teased.
“Quite sure, if I had actually spoken you would have told me to shut up, so I haven’t bothered. Until now that is.”
Merlin wore the uncomfortably adorable expression that signified truthfulness. Arthur gruffed, sat back in his chair and finished his breakfast. Merlin took the plate away and smiled once he left the room.
The spell must be working.
~~~~~
“Shag me Arthur”
“I beg your pardon?” He asked Morgana who was sitting—he’d thought silently—beside him in the throne room as they awaited his father and the court.
Morgana’s elegant face pinched and her curls shook in a manner that Arthur understood meant ‘I’m not in the mood for you’.
“I didn’t say anything.”
“You sure?” He asked suspiciously.
“I believe I am able to recognise when I am speaking Arthur. Observe as I do it now.”
He settled back in his chair, briefly placated by her familiar cattiness. Then he sat forward in accusation.
“If this is some jape you and Merlin cooked up between you...”
“What are you talking about? Leave me alone.” She huffed.
Arthur bounced one leg distractedly, the heel of his boot tapping against the chair leg.
“Hurgh!” Morgana declared and foisted herself dramatically out of her chair as Uther and his entourage entered the hall.
~~~~~ “Shag me Arthur”
Exactly the same as the first two times, only now the tickle shivered down Arthur’s spine as well causing him to drop his spoon and stare at his father in disbelief.
“What did you say?”
Uther finished chewing his mouthful of rather gamey pheasant before addressing his son.
“Nothing Arthur, neither of us has said a word since the food arrived.”
“Are...?’ was he seriously about to ask whether his father was sure he had not invited his son to...urgh! Why the hell did he keep hearing, no worse, feeling those words? He hadn’t tugged off for a while; perhaps his hormonal frustration had begun manifesting itself in other ways. At least the tickle of that voice is less obvious than cracking a fat one he thought to himself. “Are you done with the potatoes Father?”
Arthur made sure he kept talking for the rest of the meal.
~~~~~ “Shag me Arthur”
Hearing the voice caused a stronger physical reaction as Arthur paused in passing Morgana’s door to see Gwen silently at work in the feminine chambers and thought if you insist, pouting his bottom lip appreciatively as she bent her knees, back straight to adjust the rug. She turned and he waggled an eyebrow suggestively as she saw him. Gwen gathered the dead flowers off the table and slapped him haughtily as she stormed down the corridor.
“Perhaps not.” He muttered. He intended to put a stop to this.
~~~~~ “A voice you say.” Gaius raised an enquiring eyebrow.
Arthur nodded, relieved he had yet to hear those three words in the geriatric physician’s presence.
“What does it say?”
“Ah, just the same three words. Boring words. Nothing of interest.”
“I’ll check my books. Take a seat, and a sticky bun.”
Gaius read without speaking. Arthur ate without speaking. As the silence passed a certain point:
“Shag me Arthur”
Arthur shot up out of his chair blushing furiously. Even his date was all tingly now!
“There it is again!”
“Tinnitus perhaps, have you taken any blows to the head?”
Arthur tilted his head back slightly and pondered the question.
“Most probably.” He admitted with a barely perceptible nod.
“ For now all I can suggest is resting in your chambers. If the condition persists tomorrow we shall delve a bit deeper.”
~~~~~ “Shag me Arthur”
He was alone, on his bed, awake. He heard it clearly and he knew he certainly wasn’t saying it. You’d have to be pretty perverted to say that to yourself when it made you increasingly aroused each time you heard it. It was so...
Arthur decided to sing limericks and drinking songs while he waited for Merlin’s evening appearance. The alluring voice only seemed to murmur in silence, so silence there shall be none!
Merlin entered without knocking as per usual, which come to think of it probably explained the decline in princely masturbation.
“Merlin!” Arthur exclaimed in joyful relief, grabbing his friend’s wrist as he placed a fresh water jug on the table.
“Arthur!” Merlin exclaimed back in amusement.
“Stay and talk with me.”
“So you can tell me to shut up?”
“No. I want to hear what you have to say. I need you to talk.”
Merlin knew exactly why that was but he had no intention of letting on. The spell had worked better than he thought. Assuming an expression of selfless concern he placed his other hand over Arthur’s which had not relinquished Merlin’s wrist.
“Looks more like you need to talk. What happened?”
Arthur released his wrist (not good Merlin thought) and sat on the edge of his bed (this is good) gesturing for Merlin to sit beside him (better yet). The prince explained the recurrence of the voice, no matter who was around, even when he was alone, escalating level of arousal, same three words.
“What three words?” Merlin prompted.
“...” Arthur gawped a defiantly masculine shade of pink.
“I can’t help if you don’t tell me.”
“shagmearthur.”
“What?”
“Shagmearthur.”
“Still missed it.”
“Shag me Arthur.”
“Oh.” Merlin’s eyes radiated glee.
“Shut up Merlin.” Arthur retorted automatically before looking aghast and unconsciously grabbing his hand. “No don’t, more talking.”
“There’s only one way I know of to stop this voice haunting you.”
Arthur relaxed, the bed bouncing slightly as he turned to face Merlin, lifting a bent knee onto the bed and holding his ankle with both hands.
“What’s that then?”
“Shag me Arthur.”
He saw Merlin’s mouth move in time with the gently whispered provocative words and had his most arousing reaction yet. Arthur stared in amazement, both at Merlin's marvellous lips and his own stupidity for not recognising that whisper and his reponse to it. This was the real reason he continuously told his friend to shut up, not because the sound of his voice annoyed him but because it thrilled him. He leaned in and brushed his lips across Merlin’s.
“Say it again.” He murmured, winding a hand around the nape of Merlin’s neck.
“Shag me Arthur.” Merlin sighed as Arthur’s lips moved down his neck.
So Arthur did.
the end tee hee | | |
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